Monday, February 8, 2010

Thoroughly unenthusiastic today

I am not sure why this is. I have been blaming the never-changing scenery that is Miami (maybe it is more fair to say the familiarity is overwhelming). I am in a very transitory point where I cannot see forwards, but only backwards. It is definitely a pathos I wish to disengage from. Is it an active move to stop this? Or does it just happen? I do not try to fill my days with distractions. I do not replace people in my life with others because I am afraid of solitude. I do not feel like I am better off necessarily today, but I know that as everyday passes I will eventually change that. I am not running away from anything.

I want to make that specifically clear. I know my limitations as a human being. The prospect of moving is certainly inspiring, but what if I carry over my problems and my attitude today over to another city? I obviously do not want this to occur and thats why I am making the changes I need to in my life.

I do not WANT to, but I NEED to. Lets wait until that changes to desire. When that happens, I think it would be easier to process all the things that cause a stutter in my life.

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